Wendy McCallum (02:00)
Hello there, welcome back to The Coaching Edge. It's your host, Wendy McCallum here. Keeping it real, I'm recording this on the back of recording another episode. And I was just thinking to myself how I could change my sweater and pretend that's not true and that I'm actually recording this on a different day. But why would I do that? I'm trying to keep it real this year. And the real truth is I batch my content like everybody else does and it's a really...
smart way to do it for me because when I'm on a roll, I can usually get two or three podcast episodes recorded in a row. I am going to try to keep this one to 25 minutes max because I have client on the hour. So I have exactly 30 minutes to get this done and I'd like to get it done in less time than that. So let's see if I can do that. What I wanted to talk about today is the coaching questions that are my old faithfuls.
the ones that I go back to time and time and time again in coaching sessions. These aren't magic questions. They're not like particularly clever questions. They're just reliable, really versatile, flexible questions that I can use almost any time because they consistently open up insight, open up the conversation on any topic. So I wanted to share these today because this is part of a series of podcast episodes that I'm doing on like.
coaching skills as opposed to the business of coaching. Although, as I've said on other episodes, those things are directly connected. But I thought this episode would be important because there is always this pressure for us as coaches, even somebody like me has been doing this for over 15 years now and has coached like thousands and thousands of hours I've logged with clients. I don't even have any idea honestly how many, but it's a lot. And we all feel this pressure to ask like the best question.
the next most impressive, hard-hitting question, the one that's gonna unlock the big thing. And listen, that is so normal. It's especially true for newer coaches. I think the more you do this, the more comfortable you get with not maybe asking exactly the right best question and knowing that every curious question is probably a good question.
But in early days, this is really, really common for coaches. And because most of the people who listen to this podcast are coaches in maybe the newer stages of building their practice, I thought this would be really helpful. And it'll especially show up on the back of what I talked about in the last episode, which is when you're with a client and you're just struggling to get any future, like any progress happening, and it feels like you're circling around and around and around, that's when we're like.
in the session thinking, my God, I'm just not asking the right question. I need to ask the next like really great question. But listen, great coaching is not about perfect questions. Ask me how I know. Ask me how I know. I have had the most amazing insights open up from people by just keeping my mouth shut, by not even asking the next question, by sitting in some silence with that person as uncomfortable as it might feel and having them offer up, literally offer up the elephant in the room. So.
It is not about the perfect questions. It's listening really, really well and asking reliable questions and doing that with some decent timing. Again, sometimes it's about pausing and listening and creating space and sitting with silence. But really what we're talking about here are reliable, open-ended, big questions that are going to open up the door
for something else, for the client to say something else. And so this episode is not about scripts because you know me, I'm not about scripting anything. I don't script this podcast. I don't script my coaching sessions. I don't even have a specific plan for coaching sessions. And I practice very much non agenda-based coaching in that when I meet with a client for the first time, I ask them how they're feeling now about the area of challenge they wanna work on and how they wanna feel about that part of their life.
And then we work on getting them closer to feeling that way by the end of the coaching engagement. It's not about specific behavioral accomplishments like, I'd like to be going to the gym five times a week, sleeping nine hours every night, and spending one hour of quality time with each of my children every week. It's not that. Those might be things that happen as a result from shifting the way they feel. And those might be things that we experiment with, but they're not the goal.
The goal is to get the person feeling the way they want to feel. And when you practice from that place, there's lots of room for flexibility within the coaching engagement. And you're not driving the outcome with some kind of an agenda, which is, in my opinion, the way coaching is, good coaching is supposed to go. So what I'm going to talk to you about today is not any kind of scripted approach to this. This is really about learning how to be more flexible and more confident in a coaching session.
So this builds off of the last couple of episodes. Clear and versatile questions are always gonna beat the clever questions. Stay away from looking for the clever question. It's not gonna come out right and it's probably not gonna lead to the result that you want it to lead to anyway. So stick with clear, open-ended questions, powerful questions. Those questions are gonna be very versatile by their very nature because they're not super specific. They're not agenda driven.
Coaches are always looking, like I said, for that perfect question because they wanna be helpful, they wanna sound insightful, they wanna sound good, they wanna make it sound like they're creating value, but that's not how you create the value. You don't create the value through being clever or complex. You create the value by listening really well and asking the next curious, open question, honestly.
So as I said, what matters more than the specific question that you ask is really whether you're staying curious in it, whether you're staying out of an agenda with it, whether you're staying out of trying to sound really clever, and just whether you're paying attention to what's happening in the session so that you're responding with good timing, you're not interrupting, you're a...
unless that's a deliberate coaching tactic, which sometimes it can be very helpful to do. But generally speaking, you're listening, you're creating space for that person, and you're asking the next curious question when the time is right. So I'm gonna share some of these things because they really work and they really help to get people unstuck in a coaching session. And I think they're gonna be really helpful to you.
We're talking about like different buckets or categories of questions. The first bucket that I want to talk about is questions that surface those limiting beliefs. Now I talked about limiting beliefs in the last in last week's podcast episode. I talked about how those can be the thing that keep people stuck. So you haven't listened to that episode yet. Go back and listen to that too. But generally we're talking here about questions that help to gently separate thoughts and beliefs from facts. Okay. So
Questions like, just heard you say X, what's the evidence that that is true? Or how do you know that's true if they state something as a fact? I'm curious, how do you know that's true? What's the evidence that's true? Big broad questions. You can ask about any statement of fact that somebody makes. You're looking for facts, obviously, that, as I said in last week's podcast episode, that feel like if the client believed them to be true, might actually limit their ability.
to grow and take action. They work because they don't argue or correct these questions, right? You're not saying that belief is wrong. You're just saying, what's the evidence that you have that that's true? I'm curious. They don't correct. They really invite reflection. They're so open-ended that the client has to really think about that. Well, I guess the evidence is that that's just always the way it's gone when I've tried it in the past, right? So you can start a conversation from that.
clients in their own authorities. What I mean by that is like in their own sphere of relevance and reference, like they can only control their own thoughts and behaviors and actions. Not even thoughts sometimes, but they can work on that. It keeps clients in an area that they actually have some control over and can make some change from, right? So I love those questions for those reasons.
What's really important here in this bucket when we're trying to help people separate their thoughts or their beliefs from actual facts and really kind of test things like is that really as true as it as it feels to you or what else might be true is another good question to ask in this regard. That is you have to be delivering that really neutrally because as soon as you get into any kind of a tone with it it can sound really judgmental and critical to people and you don't ever want to be going there.
It's just an invitation to have a conversation. It's not a debate. You're not arguing with them. You're just staying curious. So that's the first bucket. Those are those big questions that help to surface the limiting beliefs that are there and help to start a conversation around the limiting beliefs. The second bucket of questions that I use over and over and over again with people, I mean, gosh, this must probably every session this comes up. Are these questions that are designed to help reconnect clients to their own agency, help people step back into personal responsibility?
And these are really important when you start hearing clients say things like, it's their fault, or they did this to me, or this happened to me, and they're feeling kind of helpless. This is a really great way to bring them back into a place where they realize they have a choice and they actually can take action in this particular area of their life. questions might be, these are just big broad questions, what's actually within your control right now?
How could you respond differently next time? What could you say next time that might feel better to you? Again, big questions. can see, could ask these about anything. Anytime a client is talking about something that didn't feel good to them, huh, what could you do differently next time that might serve you better? What's actually within your control and power here? What's not within your control? Those are all really good questions in that bucket of.
helping people get back into agency. If your client's not in agency, if they're not in standing in personal responsibility, they're not coachable and you can't help them make change. It's like the most common reason why you don't move forward is that your client is not standing in personal responsibility. Now, last week we talked about situations where your client is in personal responsibility, but you're still stuck. But what I'm saying today is that the most common reason why people can't move forward is because...
it's not their fault and they don't feel responsible for it. They feel powerless, they feel hopeless, they feel like it's happening to them and they don't have any control over the situation. When the truth is they have complete really control once they recognize it over how they choose to respond and react to what's happening, but not over what's happening oftentimes. Okay, so that's the second bucket of questions I wanted to talk about. The third type of sort of versatile
question, powerful question that I find myself going back to time and time again, are questions that help to surface hidden assumptions. So I'm listening to someone talking and I am hearing them say the thing and it's clear to me that they are making assumptions. Like usually the way that I tweak to this is I think to myself, I think that there's something else might be true here. My intuition tells me something else might be true, which is usually a sign.
that there might be some assumptions being made in that situation. And so I will just call it out. I'll just ask it. What assumptions are you making about the situation? Again, that could apply to any situation. And it leads to some really interesting insights sometimes for people. What assumptions are you making about this person? Or what assumptions are you making about this person's motives? Again, can lead to some really interesting insights.
and is applicable to almost any situation, relationship situation, an office work, work coworker situation, a situation in parenting. What assumptions are you making about this person? What assumptions are you making about the situation? What are you taking for granted here? Like those types of questions can lead to really interesting insights and conversation in a coaching session. Assumptions that we make drive our emotion and they drive our behavior and
once we name them, once our client admits them, says them out loud, then they often start to shift a little bit. It makes space for, okay, wait, maybe that assumption is not correct, or there's something else that might be true here.
With this, sometimes it takes time for the client to articulate the answer with the assumptions. So again, practice silence, get comfortable with silence. It's okay if there's a pause after you ask this question.
If there is a pause, it usually means you're gonna get a more meaningful answer, because they're actually thinking about the answer that's true for them. So that usually means that they're forming some insight, not that you have asked a confusing question. Again, these are clear, open-ended questions. That's why I love them so much, right? What assumptions are you making about the situation? It might take people a while to come back with the answer to that, and that's totally okay. Okay, here's the fourth bucket that I find myself going back to time and time again in coaching sessions.
And this is something that I use when people are, you know, it's just like I'm watching body language with people and one of two things is happening. Either people are over-intellectualizing and staying completely out of emotion and I see them trying to rationalize things, or I see visible signs of big emotion coming up with whatever the thing is we're talking about. And then I will actually start, I will call out like what I'm physically seeing.
So if you notice this through good listening that something has shifted for somebody, a really easy line of inquiry as a coach is like, what is happening right now? And how's that feeling in your body? So I might say, I'm noticing a shift as you're talking about this. How are you feeling? What are you feeling? How's that feeling in your body? Where is that showing up in your body? What happens in your body when you say that thing out loud? Just asking questions about...
what is actually happening in the moment when you notice something shifting. And usually, again, it's in their physical appearance or in their tone. You can see some anxiety. You can see some tears. You can see a tightening up, asking those questions. Again, not gonna happen if you're not listening. And by listening, I mean full body listening, where you're actually watching and paying attention to things like tone and also their physical, the cues that they're giving you.
This is really helpful in a coaching session when you're feeling a little bit stuck because the body will often know something before the mind does. It's often shows up in your body first and then you can figure it out up here. so tapping back into what's happening physically can often create just enough of a lag or a space or clarity for them to figure out what it is that's at play in that moment. It can lead to really good insight and conversation.
Again, you're not trying to interpret what's happening, you're just noticing. It's all really neutral, right? I noticed that when you said that, your shoulders went up. What's that that's happening in your body right now? Or how's that feeling to you? Okay, the next bucket that I wanted to talk about, and this is the last big bucket, is questions that help to gently widen perspective. Now, obviously, all the questions I've already talked about.
are gonna help widen perspective. All coaching questions that are sort of open-ended are probably gonna be geared towards doing that in some form or another, but we're really talking about creating some space to broaden the perspective, to broaden the experience in the session. So we're not minimizing what the clients just said or their experience that they've described. We're really trying to help them create space to broaden that so they can get more insight. So these are...
My favorites, I think, of all of them. What else? One of my favorite questions. And you can add more to that. You can say what else might be true or what else are you feeling or what else is this bringing up for you or what else might serve you. But what else is such a good question? It's a biggie. You can use it any time. Any time you're stuck. Any time you feel like, I don't know what the next curious thing is. Well, what else?
Like what else do you tell me? What else do you have to tell me here? What might serve you better is another great question. I love like what you need more of in your life, what you need less of, what do you need to say yes to more often, what do you need to say no to more often? They're just really big questions that like open up and expand the conversation. They really take people out of like a rigid way of thinking and help to just broaden that out for them. And I think...
It's just like really, really powerful questions to be using at any time. So again, if you just remember one thing from this podcast episode, let it be what else, because those two words, along with learning how to be quiet and just give people time to come up with the next thing they want to say, or the next piece of insight, those two things are going to change the dynamic in your coaching sessions.
Okay, and then I thought, well, let me share five kind of go-to questions with you. So this is like my little cheat sheet for you in a session when you are, you know, feeling a little stuck. Tell me more. Can you tell me more about that? It's pretty close to what else, but can you tell me more about that? Great question. What about that feels important? You could say that about anything you're talking to person about. What about that feels important when they identify something and you can tell...
that it is important to them? What about that feels important? How did that make you feel? Such a simple question that can lead to so much in terms of insight. What did you learn from that?
Honestly, that's when I use probably as much as what else. What did you learn from that? What did that teach you? What was the gift in that for you? Was there a gift in that for you? And if so, what was that? So, know, helping people just kind of like expand really with that question. And then what feels unfinished? What's left? What's the thing that's still there that you don't feel like you have, you know, you've got it down yet?
Where is there room for continued growth? Those types of questions are really expansive. So let me go through the five. Can you tell me more about that? What about that feels important? How did that make you feel? What did you learn from that? And what feels unfinished? Really simple questions that can take you a long way. When you get stuck.
in a session or you're feeling like you're stuck with a client, it actually usually means like less questions would probably be helpful and more space is what you need. And that space can feel uncomfortable because it often shows up as silence, silence will eventually lead to conversation. I really, you take one little tip away to try this week, I want you to try practicing more silence. This is the thing that I had the hardest time with.
as a new coach and I still struggle with it sometimes, but I'm much, much better at it than I was. And that is just keeping my mouth shut and waiting for someone to speak. In a group session, I find this incredibly helpful. It happens in the BBB sometimes and my coaches in there laugh at me because I'll always say, about to practice silence and then I'll close my mouth and just wait. But I also use it a lot in one-on-one sessions and I'll just like stop and wait for.
whatever the next thing is to happen. And usually it's the client says something else, but sometimes it's an emotion that comes up as a result of creating that space for them. Because you can't move faster in a coaching session than the pacing that your client needs to actually gather the insight, right? So we often feel like, we just need to ask the next clever question and keep this thing moving, right? Because that's gonna create more value. But actually the value comes from slowing down and creating the space for your client.
to actually have some insights and to get some clarity. So slowing down and staying quiet is actually oftentimes much more impactful than immediately thinking of the next clever question to your client. So this isn't about memorizing questions. I just wanted to share with you some of the big general questions that I ask all the time in coaching sessions and that are really, I think, versatile and applicable to almost any coaching nation topic and challenge that you might be working with in that moment.
It's about learning to listen really and getting out of this like problem solver agenda based space that a lot of coaches like coach from and recognizing that we're not here to solve a problem. We're not here to fix something. We're not here to get people to a certain place. We're just here to create space and to ask curious questions that are going to help to open up insight, open up intuition, open up clarity so that people can.
stand in personal responsibility and agency and decide to take action from there. So I hope you found that helpful. Again, just a reminder, this is the type of stuff that we work on inside the CCSI, which is my Confident Coaching Skills Intensive. There is a new CCSI happening. It may be the only one in 2026, probably will be actually as I say that. It starts on March 11th, it runs for 10 weeks. It is a very intimate coaching group. So there are a maximum of 12 people in this group.
It is first come first serve, so if it's something that feels like the right fit for you, please register for it early. The link is in the show notes below. Something I never remember to say on here, if you're a Canadian coach, let me know. I have Canadian prices for Canadian coaches, because I love my fellow Canadians. Not that I don't love everybody else, but Canadians can get a bad bum rap when it comes to...
the Canadian dollar. So I've got special pricing for you. Just reach out to me and I'll send you the link for that if you're Canadian. But all the details are on the information page that is linked in the show notes for that. Again, starts March 11th, includes 10 very, very good, solid, tested modules on different areas of life coaching and client and practice management stuff. Like how to set up, you know, for your very first call with a client, things you'd want to cover off, make sure that you discuss.
before you get into a coaching engagement with clients, how to wrap up coaching engagements, how to get great testimonials and create value in every session, but also really specific coaching topics like relationships and stress management and burnout and coaching through big emotions and so many other topics that come up for all of us, no matter what niche we're coaching in. So I would love to see you inside there. This is a program for, maybe you've worked with me on the.
the business coaching side of things before, maybe you haven't, maybe this is just what you're looking for, to build your confidence inside your coaching itself. And I promise you, this is a place where we build confidence only. It is not a place that feels scary. I am not a scary person. And I am there to help you build your own confidence and feel better about the innate skills that you already have as a coach.
Alright, that's it for me today. Hope you enjoyed these last few episodes of The Coaching Edge that were focused more on the actual practice of coaching. I love your feedback on them, so send me a note if you've got thoughts, if there's something else that you'd like me to cover in an upcoming episode. Thank you for listening as always and I'll see you next time on The Coaching Edge.
