Wendy McCallum (01:42)
Hello there, welcome back to The Coaching Edge. I'm your host, Wendy McCallum. This is episode two in our five part series about the conversations that build coaching businesses. Now, last week in the first episode in this June series, we talked about referral conversations. So how to talk to people about potential referral opportunities, whether that's your clients,
other professionals who serve a similar audience to you or other coaches who might be working with a similar client avatar, but solving a different problem for that group of people. We are this week going to be talking about networking. And this is really for me, like one of those areas where I just feel so uncomfortable even thinking about it, honestly. I have to say networking has always been something that I have dreaded.
but I have really been able to change my views on it based on some of the things I'm gonna talk about today. So if you're somebody who thinks like, when you hear the word networking, I get it. And this episode's definitely for you. So today we're gonna talk about how to really enjoy networking and have it be as effective as possible when it comes to starting to build relationships with other people.
We also have three other episodes in this series that are coming up. So in the third episode We'll be talking about how to deal with the not right now conversation So that's when you meet somebody who is really interested in coaching but isn't quite at the right spot yet for what you have to offer isn't quite ready We're also going to talk about in the fourth episode the price conversation. So how to say with with
clarity and confidence, ⁓ what you charge, and do that in a way that is just not uncomfortable at all for you. And that's a big one. We've touched on that in some other episodes, but this one's gonna be really, really focused on how to really stand your ground with your pricing and feel good about it. And then the last episode in this June series is gonna be about difficult client conversations, how to have them, how to address the problems that sometimes come up in a coaching relationship before they start to cause really big problems for you.
So today, as I said, we're gonna talk about networking. Networking has a really bad reputation. It is kind of an icky topic. think a lot of people think about like awkward small talk. You know, we've all had that moment where you've been talking to somebody and it's clear that they've realized that we're not actually somebody who can help them in any way. And they are like actively looking for someone better to talk to. You know, for all of those reasons, I think I really have historically disliked networking.
I started off, as many of you know, in a different profession. I was a lawyer in a large commercial law firm and had to do a lot of networking, which we refer to as schmoozing. And I was the worst schmoozer. I felt so out of alignment in that environment. It was so foreign to anything I'd ever experienced before. In that particular context, it was usually happening
along with like really expensive dinners and wines and that kind of thing. I just felt like a fish out of water, honestly. But it doesn't need to feel that way. I think for those of us who are introverts in particular, which a lot of the coaches that I work with frankly are introverts and I am what I would consider it's sort of an extroverted introvert, if that's such a thing.
It can feel really, really gross, but it doesn't need to feel that way. And we're to talk about how to make it feel better today. We're going to talk about how to reframe networking in your brain. So if you're thinking of networking right now as a sales tactic, I want you to drop that. And instead, I want you to start thinking about it as relationship building. Networking is just the beginning of a conversation. That's all it is. You're just meeting people. You're not trying to sell anything.
in a networking session, you're just meeting people, getting curious, sometimes maybe planting a little seed, and sometimes those conversations will grow into bigger conversations and maybe even to referrals and to work. Sometimes they won't. You're not there to close a deal. You're just starting to build relationships, create kind of a web of connections that will support your business over time. So I really think the first step in feeling less icky
about networking is to change the lens through which you see it. If you're like me and you used to see it as sales and marketing, instead start looking at it as relationships or conversations. That feels a whole lot more doable for somebody who hates sales like most of us do. And especially for someone who's feeling kind of like they're maybe a little behind because they're more introverted or shy.
This is really just the first step in a long game, networking. And it ties in with some of the things we talked about in last week's episode on the referral conversation. So if you haven't listened to that one yet, go back and have a listen. I think another little shift that can be really helpful is instead of thinking of networking as transactional and approaching every conversation with this sort of like, ooh, I wonder if this is somebody who can actually do something for me.
and scanning for potential clients or potential referrals in a big audience. I remember when I first started networking, was like, you'd bring a pack of business cards with you, old school business cards, and you'd sort of hand them around and people would be giving you cards. And I'd be thinking like, why is this person giving me their card? I don't have anything in common with this person. But what I've come to realize is it's really not about that.
I might not have anything in common with that person, but someday down the road, that person might know somebody who needs what I have to offer. Or maybe someday down the road, I will have something in common with that person. It's really just about starting the conversation. So I like to think of it, instead of thinking of it as transactional, I like to think of it as relational, right? So instead of sales and marketing, I like to think of it as conversations or relationship building.
And the way to do that, to move into a more relational mindset when you're at an event that would fall into the category of a networking event is to, I think, lead with curiosity. It's just always going to end up better for you if you are anchoring yourself in curiosity in a networking event, if that's the goal.
The goal is to ask curious questions. The goal is to be interested in the other person and ask questions of them instead of the goal being, I need to make sure I get everything off my chest that these people need to know about me and my business and what I have to offer. So when I go into a networking event now, I am very much thinking to myself, the goal of this is just to meet some new people and start some conversations. And the way to meet people is to ask questions of them.
not to talk about myself. So I'm letting go of any agenda that I might have had in years past when I went to networking ⁓ events and it is serving me so much better. So I really wanted to share this approach with you because I think it just generally serves everybody to be doing this. The truth is not only does that transactional lens and approach feel awkward and icky to most of us, it doesn't work because
most of the time, people can feel your agenda. And most of us don't respond well to pushy sales stuff. So relational networking almost always works better because people remember how you made them feel. People remember that you showed up and you were genuinely interested and curious and that you ask good questions about what it is they do and that you felt really comfortable as a person that they could continue a conversation with. People remember that. And when people remember that they that
that you made them feel good, people wanna help you. People wanna refer to you and people wanna stay connected. So it's really, it's a lot about your energy in these things. And if you go into it thinking like, my only goal here is to meet some new interesting people and to stay curious, then I think people are gonna pick up that vibe. And instead of people thinking, oh, this person's here and they're just performing or trying to market,
People are gonna see you as like a real, genuine human who's just there trying to connect, right? So the goal is to relax and be yourself and have real conversations. And the easiest way I have found to do that is to remind myself that my only job is to stay curious. That's it, there's no other goal. I'm not there to sell, convince, talk about myself. I am there to be curious and to start some conversations. Now.
At some point in a curious conversation, the other person is probably gonna ask you, especially if you're at a networking event, what do you do? And this is the moment of truth, the place where a lot of coaches trip up. We talked about this in an episode a few episodes ago, which I really encourage you to listen to if this is an area that you find challenging. It can be very difficult to tell people in a sentence or two what you do as a coach to explain coaching. So there was an episode I did.
a little while ago where I talked about how to talk about what coaching is, how to explain it to people in a way that actually is clear and makes sense. The problem is, is that in this type of a situation, you have about 10 seconds to do this, right? You're in a conversation and if you stumble on this and it takes you a lot longer than that, you're gonna lose their focus and attention. So it's important that you say something clear and that you say it well.
And so a reminder, again, go back and listen to that other episode. But one of the things I focused on in that episode is how unhelpful coach speak is. And coach speak is the jargon that goes along with the coaching industry that often means a lot to us as coaches who have been in this world for a long time, but means absolutely nothing to people outside of the coaching world. And if you're at a networking event, chances are most of those people aren't coaches and most of them probably haven't been coached before.
So if they ask you what you do and you say, help, you know, disenfranchised women step into their power and own their best selves, that means absolutely nothing to the person on the other side of the conversation. So you wanna make sure that whatever you say is really clear and confident, right? So the best way to do this is to focus on who you help with what problem and what the value of that is, what the transformation is for them.
I help coaches in the first five years of business create reliable revenue without burning out. That's one way of describing what I do. I help coaches, sometimes I say coaches in years zero to five, build reliable revenue without burning out, right? So that tells you who I help with what problem and how they feel, not burnt out, right? You want to just say it with confidence and...
You can take that little formula and you can apply it to your niche. If you don't already know what this statement is, this is something you absolutely want to figure out. And again, if you're working on this statement, go back and listen to that episode where I talked about for a long time with a lot of detail how to explain coaching and what you do. But what you really want here is one or two sentences that make it really easy for them to actually picture the person that you help.
Right, so another example, if we go over to the personal coaching side of my business, might be, I help professional women struggling with burnout who are drinking too much to cope. Right, it gives you a very specific picture of the person that I work with. Or I help women in midlife who feel stuck. Maybe they're going through a career change or they're empty nesting, figure out what they actually want going forward and then take steps to get there.
Or I work with high achieving professionals who look successful on paper, but feel burnt out. I help them create a life that actually works for them. So those are examples of statements that actually conjure up an image of the person that you work with. That's the kind of thing people remember, right? As opposed to the jargony coach speak that really doesn't tell them anything at all, right? So.
That's one of the things that you really wanna be clear on before you go to a networking event, because someone's gonna ask you. Now, a couple things might happen. They might ask a curious follow-up question, in which case, keep talking, tell them more. They might nod politely and change the subject. And that's fine too, because not everyone is your client, not everyone is gonna be a referral source, certainly not right now at this type of an event. So you don't need to try to force interest that's not there.
Right? You just kind of go with the flow of the conversation. The secret to great networking really lies in the art of being interested, not in being interesting. Let me say that again. It's all about the art of being interested. It's not about being interesting. This takes a lot of pressure off because being interested is actually really easy. Being interesting feels a whole lot more overwhelming to me. I don't know about you.
It's funny, like I always think back to when I was a young girl, I was painfully shy as a child. Painfully, painfully shy. I mean, it caused me so much anxiety to have to talk to adults and even other children. And, you know, my mom and dad spent a lot of time trying to help me grow out of that shyness. And I remember as I got older, going to parties and things like that, my dad would drive me and...
My dad would always say some version of this as the advice. It was always, look, Wendy, everybody loves to talk about themselves. All you have to do when you get there is just ask them a question about themselves. And if you just keep asking questions about themselves, you will keep the conversation going. And I have never forgotten that and it has served me very well personally and it has also served me very well at networking events. So channel your inner Bob.
and just ask them a question about themself. This is the absolute best tip for networking. I know it sounds really basic, but it's actually really has been very helpful to me in moments where I felt overwhelmed. So this is especially for my fellow introverts out there. Like it's just a really helpful thing to remember. A lot of people are trying to be interesting, right? They're at these events, you know who those people are. They're trying to impress, they're trying to stand out.
and be memorable, but I really believe that the better move is to be interested and to ask really great questions and to listen well and then to ask the next curious question. And that works because as my dad says, people love to talk about themselves and people love to talk about their work. And so when you're genuinely curious and you're listening, then they feel valued and they feel heard.
and they're gonna walk away thinking you're a great conversationalist, even if you hardly said anything, right? So simple questions to ask. Obviously, what do you do is a great one at a networking event. But then follow up questions on that. Oh, that's so interesting. How did you get into that? Or what kind of training did you have to do to start that business? What are you working on right now that you're really excited about? Or what kind of people do you work with? What's the biggest challenge that
⁓ your clients have or you know, what's your favorite your favorite parts about this job or this business and as they are talking just listen for some overlap for some shared interests that you might have maybe there's a mutual connection that you have in common or maybe there's like an overlap in your audience or in the challenge that you help people with or a way that you might be able to help each other and you're not looking for like an opening for a big
pitch here. It's just something that might form the basis of a genuine question. It's like a jumping off point for the next curious
One of the most powerful things you can do in a conversation is ask a follow up question on something they just said, because if you say, hey, I heard you say this, or you were just talking about working with this type of person. Tell me more about that thing or tell me more about that challenge. What that does is that makes it so
clear to them that you have been paying attention and are listening to them. And it also gives them an opportunity to talk about something that they obviously are an expert in and know a lot about. So it's just a really simple tip. Just ask a follow up question. Something they just were talking about. Ask them to tell you more about that. Okay, now you are going to want to talk about your work, right? And we talked about that little, call it the elevator pitch, but you know that
one sentence that tells people who you work with, what problem you help them solve and how. But you might have the opportunity to talk about it a little bit more. And I just want to remind you the goal at a networking event or function is not to explain everything. It's not to get it all out. You just need to give them enough of a picture of what you do and who you help so that they'll know who to send your way down the line or maybe even sooner than that.
if they have somebody already in mind. You just wanna make it easy for them to refer you. So they need to leave the conversation with that basic information about who you help and with what. And then maybe they'll think about you later if they know somebody or meet somebody for whom that fits, right? You're just trying to make it easier for them. And the way to do that is to be specific. Again, you don't have to be fancy. You don't have to use like...
complicated language, definitely you want to avoid any of that, what I call coach speak. You really want to be keeping it super simple. So for example, I could say something as simple as I help new coaches get their first five clients. I mean, that's pretty memorable. Somebody would remember that if they met a new coach. hey, I was at this thing last week and there's a woman there and she helps people get the first five clients. If there's, for example, a new coach there who's lamenting at how difficult it is to get their first client, right?
So you don't need to go into a lot of detail. You just need to say something that's gonna stick in their mind. It's also okay to mention what you're working on. So if you have something going on that you're excited about, like you just started a new group coaching program, you could tell them a little bit about that. Again, try to keep it to one sentence or so. And if they seem interested and they ask more questions, then you just keep the conversation going. And you could offer to send them something on it or connect with them on social media.
Or maybe even continue the conversation another time. Like, oh, I'm loving this chat. I feel like we have so much in common. I would love to like get to know you a little better. Would you be up for a coffee sometime? Or would you be up for a Zoom call maybe? And remember, it's just about building the relationship. If they don't seem interested or there isn't a good vibe happening, that's fine. Not everybody needs to be interested.
and you can just gracefully move on. It's been great chatting with you. I see somebody over there I haven't talked to for a while. I'm gonna go say hello or I'm gonna go get myself a new drink or whatever it is. It doesn't need to be weird, guys. It really doesn't need to be weird. Everyone who's there, this has also always been helpful to me at networking events, everyone who's there feels a little weird and awkward. Networking events by the very nature are kind of awkward. It's just putting a bunch of people together who don't know each other.
and maybe don't have a lot in common except for the fact that they all have jobs and businesses and everyone's starting with small talk. So that can be really helpful to remember as well. I also wanna say like permission to do it differently. So if you are somebody for whom a networking event is really overwhelming and creates a lot of anxiety for you,
you don't have to network like an extrovert. You get to network in a way that feels good to you. You can find an approach that works well for your energy and personality. And I can tell you that I do it differently than some other people that I know. And I've been doing networking now for, you know, 15 plus years and actually much longer than that because I did it in law as well. You could go into a networking event setting a different strategy for success. And this can be
really helpful if it's a big event or a new group of people and you're feeling anxious about it. instead of this sort of like overarching goal of just like having the best networking event possible, talking to as many people as possible, making as many good connections as possible, maybe a smaller goal will serve you better. Like I'm just going to have two real conversations tonight or I'm going to ask everyone I meet, I'm going to ask the first question about them or
Maybe it's like, I'm going to stay at this event until it no longer feels fun to me, and then I'm going to make a graceful exit, right? So giving yourself permission to leave earlier if you're feeling really depleted. Sometimes it's better to arrive earlier at these events than later because there are less people in the room and it can be easier to engage in conversations than when you arrive later and everybody's already in groups and it can sometimes feel awkward to try to edge yourself into a group. So maybe that's a strategy that you can try.
And then the other thing that I do all the time, and that I think is really helpful, is I take breaks. I leave all the time. I'll leave to go get another glass of water. I'll leave to go to the bathroom, or I might go outside for a few minutes. I have actually found, interestingly, that some of my best networking conversations have started on those breaks. So I meet somebody else who's like, it's a little too much for them. And I might jokingly say to them, that's a lot, isn't it? And they'll say, yeah, it's a lot. And then I might say,
I always take breaks or like this is part of my strategy for networking events because I find them to be a lot. And then we'll start a conversation. I'll say, I'm Wendy, like, you know, what do you do? And then that conversation might start outside of the networking event. But, you know, you get to do this in whatever way feels good for you. Interverts are often better at deeper conversations. And one genuine connection is worth way more than 10 random business card exchanges. Right. So.
Play to your strengths. What feels good to you? What are you best at? And then the other thing I just wanted to say about networking is not all networking happens at events, right? There are other ways to network, obviously. Like coffee dates are great. Setting up a Zoom call with somebody, like a follow-up call, like, I really love chatting with you, but it's so loud here. Would you be interested in just having a one-on-one Zoom call at some point?
or like an online community. So you can do this online. You can do it, you know, in the DMs or messages with people. You have to just find the format that feels good for you. It doesn't need to be this like enormous group of strangers that you walk into. There are different ways to do this. And you got to figure out what works best for you. Again, fade a mindset. If you're just starting out in business building, start going to some of these networking events. What works for you, what doesn't work for you.
What parts of it do you find overwhelming? What could you try differently next time? It's all about experimenting and finding your own sort of comfort zone in networking. You wanna push yourself a little bit, you wanna challenge yourself, but what happens if you go into your next networking event and you drop any expectations around getting a referral or making a sale and instead you say, my goal tonight is just to ask curious questions or my goal tonight is just to start
a few more conversations or my goal tonight is to meet three new people, right? What shifts for you? Does it go better for you? I think if you are, you know, if you're...
doing this networking thing and you're getting better at it, the other piece of this that we need to talk about is the follow-ups, right? Because this is a long game and there will need to be something that happens after the beginning of the conversation. Again, we're trying to develop a conversation and the conversation might be something that takes place over months or even years, right? Because you're gonna see these people again at other networking events.
and hopefully you're gonna reach out and have some connection and conversation in between the events. So I think one of the things that is, I guess probably the biggest mistake that people make in networking is that they go, they have a nice conversation with someone and then they don't follow up at all. There's nothing that happens afterwards. And that's a real missed opportunity. I will always like, if I've had an interesting conversation with someone,
A day or two after I've talked to them, I'll send them a message. I might send them a voice note. love, you guys know how much I love a voice note. I might send them a voice note in the DMs on Instagram or something and say, hey, it was so great. This is Wendy. We met at the function the other night. It was really great getting to know you and learning a little more about your business. I just, found it to be so crowded. I don't know about you, but I would, you know, I'd love to chat a little bit more or.
I thought of this thing after our conversation that I wanted to ask you and then ask the question and keep the conversation going that way. The key though is just to not wait too long. You don't wanna wait so long the conversation fades and they can't remember who you are. And I think also just keep it simple and personal. So again, you can reference something specific from your conversation like, I remembered you said this and I have a follow-up question on that or that made me think of this.
Again, that will show them that you actually know who they are and that you were really listening in the conversation. But just a note to say, let's keep the conversation going. I'd love to grab coffee sometime if you're up for it. Or I just wanted to connect here so that we could stay in touch. And when you do that follow-up, just remember the goal is still not to sell. So we're not even thinking about selling in these conversations. In fact,
I don't really want you thinking about selling until it becomes very obvious that the person is interested in what you have to offer. Right? So either in referring other people to your work or in working with you personally, right? I don't want you to be worried about that. I just want you to be thinking about how can I continue the relationship, not about selling anything. If there's a natural opportunity down the road, it's going to present itself and you will know when it happens. Okay?
This is just about staying connected. And there are other ways to do that. You can stay engaged on social media. So go and follow them immediately on the various maybe platforms or channels where they have a presence. And then engage with their content occasionally. Drop a comment in on a LinkedIn post or, you know, like I said, send them a DM and say, I saw that thing that you posted today. That was such an interesting take on it. Thanks for sharing. Thanks for sharing that perspective, right? Just
stay connected. And remember, some of these relationships are going to deepen and some of them aren't, and that's cool, right? You're not trying to turn every connection into a sale or even into a deeper relationship. You're just like planting the seeds to see where things start to grow, really. So just keep showing up and let the relationship develop naturally with a little bit of effort, obviously. All right. And then
In last week's episode, I talked specifically about referral conversations. So I just wanted to spend a minute on that because not everyone that you meet at a networking event is a potential client, certainly not a potential client right now, but many of them will be potential referral sources for you. So it might be, for example, last week we talked about if you're a coach, other good referral sources might be, yes, other coaches who serve a similar
client as you do, but help them in a different area of challenge than you support clients in. But it could also be a therapist, a counselor, a consultant, some other service provider. We talked last week about how HR managers are often great referral sources for coaches. And so you're looking for those people when you're at these networking events because they can be great referral sources. Again.
In a perfect world, these people serve a similar client, but in a different capacity. So there's some natural overlap in the audiences that the two of you serve, but you're not competing directly against each other. And you can imagine sending clients to each other. Like in a perfect world, it's a cross-referral situation, but it doesn't need to be cross-referral. We talked about that in last week's episode. And this is when it's great to say something like, wow, like it sounds like we're actually working with similar people, but in completely different ways.
I wonder if there might be some opportunity here for us to help each other's clients, or I'd love to hear a little more about the work that you do and explore if there's any potential there for cross-referrals. Would you be open for a coffee chat? So again, if you don't know very much about referrals and cross-referrals, or you haven't done much work in your business yet to set any of those up, that is a huge untapped market for
referrals for a lot of coaches. And so I really encourage you to go back and listen to the entirety of the first episode in this series. That's last week's episode. And networking events are a great place to start those referral conversations, which is why I wanted to bring it up. Remember, is not like deal making or sales or marketing. This is just relationship building. Okay, hopefully you have...
some new ideas to try around networking. Hopefully this has given you a different lens through which to look at networking. It's just a place to be curious. It's just the very start of a conversation. No pressure for the conversation to complete. No pressure for there to be anything that comes out of the conversation at this point. It is just the very first part of what will probably be a long conversation with some people.
And for some people, some of the people you meet the last time you talk to them. So some things that you can take away to think about and to work on in your own coaching business from this episode. Have a think about how networking feels to you right now. Like when I started off this episode, did you say, yep, that's me, hate it, so icky, so salesy, yuck. And if so, what's one sort of belief or
fear that you might have that's underlying that, that's getting in the way of you showing up in a full way in networking. And if you have an upcoming opportunity for networking, I want you to think about that whole experiment mindset and ask yourself, what could I do differently going into this networking event? What's something new I could try? How could I set a goal for myself?
then that is a little different than whatever the goal is I usually set, right? Which if you're like most people is just to like talk to as many people as possible and really max it out. Instead you might say, I wanna have one deep conversation or I wanna ask five curious questions or maybe you wanna try taking breaks and see if that feels any better or have an exit strategy.
that allows you to get out at a certain point, it's the law of diminishing returns for you and you just don't want to be there anymore, right? Just try something new in your next networking adventure and I would love to hear about it. I would love to hear what your experience is with this. And if you have any tips, things that work really well for you in networking, let me know. You can always send me an email at wendymichellum.com. All right.
Remember that this is just episode two in a five part series and we will be talking about the not right now conversation in next week's episode, what to say when someone is interested but not ready to move forward and how to keep that door open for later. If you've ever had a really great discovery call that went nowhere, this episode is for you.
So I will see you next time on The Coaching Edge. As always, thank you so much for listening. Have a great day.
